Can I be the next Mr. President?

Though nominees for next Presidential Election have been named by respective political parties of India and we, the people of India, must respect their decision as they are the people with deep vision (read 'increase-in-petrol-prices-and-inflation-and-Earth-bound-economy-rate'). Oh! I am sorry Pranab Da for mentioning about petty issues. You can continue with the idea of pooping in facilities worth Rs. 30 lacs and making a list of advises on 'How-to-revisit-1991-when-you-are-in-2012' and giving it to stepping-in Finance Minister. (1991 - Year of starting of economic liberalization in India)
Sorry folks! He was listening to LMFAO and was LHFAO :D. No comments from his side.

So where were we?...Yes. Real candidates for the post of President of India. So now that every political party is throwing names ans the condition has become so terrible that names on board are giving people belly stabs, why cant we come up with our own list? So here I propose, on behalf of 'mango people', some names who have guts to withstand adverse conditions - 

1. RAKHI SAWANT - The way she accused Mika of not treating her as morally sound Indian woman. The way she accused Vidya Balan and Ekta Kapoor of not casting her as lead role in Dirty Picture because she actually behaves like the character in the movie. The way she accused Aamir Khan of copying the idea of Rakhi Ka Insaaf and presenting as Satyamev Jayate. Such an honest, patriotic, outspoken and brave woman. Who knows, if given chance, she might accuse USA or China or G-20 for our diving economy with so much brutality that they might start considering going down is new soaring high and accept her as new Margaret Thatcher.



2. SHARAD PAWAR - BCCI is on its way to become world's wealthiest sports body. ICC cannot even think of existing if it develops a conflict of interests with BCCI. Just imagine Sharad Pawar screaming - 'THIS..IS...BCCI' (though he cant pull up his leg even an inch). Even King Leonidas would have bowed down. And how can someone forget his level of patience when he got slapped by Harvinder Singh. Such level of ferocity and calmness - only in Sharad Pawar. Who knows this silent aggression might make all world leaders bow to him and make them beg for RICE! :D 



3. LAL KRISHNA ADVANI - "किस्मत का मारा हूँ  कुछ कह नहीं सकता...कुछ भी दे दो मैं मना नहीं  सकता..." These lines pretty much sum up his inner feelings ;). I think he still he hasn't released the energy which he had generated back in 2004 when he thought he could be the next PM but Congress came as party-poopers. Give him the power and he shall unleash the wrath of RSS.



4. KAPIL SIBBAL - A very famous proverb goes like this - 'Never argue with an idiot;they'll drag you down to their level, and beat you with experience'. And that's what he wants with his proposed JEE agenda - making everyone come down to a common level. To tell you honestly, this man has got enough void spaces in his cognitive part of brain and I forbid you to think it as his weakness. I dont know whether you people have read the most important eligibility criterion to apply for this post or not but it clearly says - HE/SHE SHOULD BE A UTTER DUMB PERSON. Voila!! P.S. - Dont underestimate him. He is an IITian - Insane-Inane-Trivial.



5. SHAHRUKH KHAN - He knows how to make money from daft movies like Ra.One (sorry for opening up old wounds :)). He had confessed to dance in anyone's wedding providing the negotiations starts from not less than some crores. He can pick up a fight with anyone anywhere and then openly states that he wont apologize. Dude! We got an audacious money earning wackadoodle. Who else we need?



6. DIGVIJAY SINGH - Oh boy! We missed you. Where have you been? :D Relentless is the word for him. Whenever (read always) he has spoken about anything, he has defended his words on his loyalty to Congress. Does it matter whether they make sense or not? NO SIR. That's the kind of audacity is required. He can be the one who can comment on other nations' economic policies and then realizing that he missed the starting gun. Never mind, he'll blame the gun :D. And he said "Mamta is immature". Ha.



7. YO YO HONEY SINGH - Our Indian Eminem. This man can get any man move with his highly insane and sleazy rap. Just imagine Honey Singh at G-20 summit. Other countries' representatives come along with their Foreign Secys and deputies and here he is - bringing Gippy Grewal with him and flanked by canadian chicks. Whole summit will then dance to Angrezi Beat. He teaches lessons of self-content - जो भी मिले चक्को कुछ फ्रेश नैयो मिलना...:D. He teaches us not to indulge in vices - इन्ना वि ना डोप शोप मारिया करो...:D. Will we ever get any person like this who teaches such moral values? NO SIR. And we will get unconditional support of Punjab as well as of Canada on any issue. Double whammy!! 

And now the 2 personalities, who I genuinely want to see holding that post.

1. A.P.J. ABDUL KALAM - Who doesnt want to see him there again? He was unarguably the most popular President India has had. Great visionary and a person from which you can draw infinite amount of inspiration. When his term was about to get over in 2007, he said, "I came here with two small suitcases and I'll leave with two small suitcases". I think his one of the suitcases is filled with Indian people encore - "ONCE MORE". Though he declined to file the nomination for another term but he'll always be welcomed. When you see him, you know what the word 'humble' means.



2. NARAYAN MURTHY - Well, he needs no introduction. This man defines the word 'entrepreneurship'. Just read the pre-commencement lecture that he delivered at New York University (Stern School of Business) (read it here) on May 9, 2007 and you will know why this man is the most apt person for the post. And for those who dont know, he is at #10 in the Fortune's list of 12 Greatest Entrepreneurs of our Time. 

P.S. Special accolades for the out-going President, Mrs. Pratibha Devi Singh Patil without whom we'll never get to know how the powers of this post can be exploited to the maximum. We even get to know the amount of public money spent on personal foreign trips while reserving highly ranked defence personnels as private butlers. Her foreign trips have cost the public exchequer Rs. 205 crores, surpassing the record of all of her predecessors. WHOAA!! She will always be remembered for setting new standards in lowering the dignity of the president's office. Ladies and gentlemen, first woman President of India.